people are not accessories

I would like a feelings pot. A pot in which I can choose to leave certain feelings, thoughts, animosities, grudges, fears, dreams. And each would have a different color, shape, essence, texture, speed, quirks. I wonder what the insides of my head would mix to look like. Goop.

Ahhhh why! Why always, why! I tried to keep my sphere so small, I tried to be invisible. I tried to understand, but I really cannot. I can't tell if I'm the victim, or just the victimizer.

Sam and Krista tried to teach me how each person is a separate entity. Every person continues to live whether you are aware of them or not. They are not imagination. It's such a confusing concept sometimes, because we are always taught conflicting ideas. Seeing is believing. But different people perceive things differently. Sometimes the world seems created inside of heads. But there are so many tangible things. I just don't know, at times, how to meet a person halfway between my reality and his or hers. Maybe I am unreasonable. I do not know.