crawl into my mind

I'm afraid that writing's become too much of a hairy sided cow that side of the barn where the moon shines and dip fun dip the pink kind in which you stick your finger and out comes this weird powdery shit and at first it's like, 'what the fuck do I really do with this?' but soon you figure out -- they all do. Everything goes in your god damn mouth either that or you'll sniff it but my senses aren't so well. Apples and cherries I smell them tart from the table don't hesitate don't riualize don't think just do from your subconscious pep talk we can do this! Oh can we? You can't stop you almost did you almost hit a snag she hit a snag but we shall not think upon her, only think in feelings let it flow through you as your hand gets tired and its repetitive back and forth mesmerize your eyes like a little clicking clock and the risk is always there, that you'll run out of momentum or that there will be too much on your mind as the words tumble over and your hand struggles to keep, up, keep a bookmark in my mind and I'll save you later, for another time, it's all a ridiculous balancing act, that's all life is on any scale, do this but not too much and do more but not too much a ridiculous basket of paradoxes threatening to fucking end us all if we go to one end too far.

cornflakes on a silver daisy CORNNN what the fuck is it anyway? And what is green?? can you describe that to me in any concrete terms? What does green taste like? Once they've seen it you turn away why are you scared? Worried? distracted? fuck!

On this table are wonderful things: it's an eclectic batch and it's all very colorful. To my right is a large oil painting book and on it are colors. Dingy the box is a little bit dingy but the colors are still there Hello! Colors. They must all say Hello differently, each color. The yellow would jump up and smile and all the other colors wouldn't like it very much because it's too fucking loud they say except for orange which can somewhat relate I mean let's all admit that orange is pretty loud in itseslf not to mention red and when they start getting friendly and mixing and swirling like their little friend yellow they get even more intense and even yellow will say it's a little scary. Black sits in the corner and utters evil unkind words about the other colors and he never cared and he never will. No one will influence him He will change for no one no matter who tries to throw themselves on him and mix and swirl, they only get lost in the black and soon they no longer exist and black gives a smirk and he does not apologize, and only purple does not find him fully evil because he's felt the temptation too though he is a bit more impressionable but way too flamboyant to be anything like black and white is the purest most kind of all but everyone manipulates and changes him far before he can even come into his own and we never hear from again, though the others pale a bit in remembrance but really they do not care -- do you care? Do you care if they quarrel or if they love or kill or dieeeee? What if these colors just damn well died? You'd be sorry then, you would. The world would be a boring place. Black and white, the though. Much simpler -- I might understand right from wrong, down from up, but the mystery would be gone and would see no colors and feel no beauty.

Ribbons of smoke, you swirl in the dark, where do you come from and where do you go? You float and and twirl and wrap and disperse and fade out not to be seen again yet you are still there you collect in the heights. I imagine you rejoin as a family, you are now a Heavenly thing smoke and you are one and separates at the very same time, connected in multitudes of ways but we down here do not see and it is a curious thing to think that you are still up there smoke and you see me and there are things you know I don't. It's a very delicate thing as all things are I guess. So fucking vague as you are you upset me. Make yourself be known!
Charlatans
banana cheese on a monkey cracker
waves of jello and excrement on a cream cheese mountain
jelly bean werewolves scour the sars they really all did get sars go fuck yourselves jelly bean werewolves you shall eat no more children or teddy graham bears.
That child was fucking scary, come to think of it they all kind of are, they think differently but I do not believe less than ours just differently take things in more literally orange build-a-bar build your very own if that little guy in the corner says you may I hear he is self-conscious and he'll say yes to anything what the fuck are you saying really? IS someone barring you up? Are you hiding again? You always hide in fear though I do not know why, as a child you came out freely and without shame, a childish game it was. Oh stop the presses again it's a walrus and he's at your door and if you'd stop to look at his wares you'd realize that walruses do seem to be good business men if you allow them your business they'll be much obliged pumpkins carrying a cherry limeade just for you they ran all the way to you from the back of the woods, they heard that you were thirsty and they care about this sort of thing don't ask me why they really do I'm stuck I'm stuck in this pile of whipped cream it's not very light and it's threatening my life to make me it's wife well it's not very sweet as I would have imagined but I guess I'll give it a go will you just shut up Charlie Brown get out of town you are a clown a sad one why are they sad? Well because they're fucking clowns. And sometimes in Asia in very remote parts they'll take them and fucking drown the bastards but not until you're stuted? You really are in a state of dream don't you dare I can't do this.

Blank pages intimidate me so I came back to you. It's not that I particularly love or even like this paper or anything on it, just somethings ON it, it's like hey don't worry you're not alone, we came before you and we continue to come as long as our creator wishes or is able to write more. And if she's not able, will we die? No you will last forever just no more shall be born. No, that would be useless right? Because if we currently do not mean anything then we will never mean anything if we don't continue. Hey don't put so much pressure on me, ok? You're giving me the equivalent of a writing erectile dysfunction but maybe if I ever learned to stop apologizing or filtering things I do I will never make sense because I will never be able to create a thought it is so so fucking fragile in my mind at this moment so distractable but yet so focused you cannot stop but you cannot yet go on it's a state in which you do not live but do not die under an aquarium you will stick your head in and try to drown but the fish will breathe life into you I say, they whispered it in my ear the day I spent so much time with you where you saved me like no other could. You told me secret things that day, things I must know but musnt remember you really musnt because one day you will see that glimpse of knowledge and beauty and natural love and you will one day grasp it all as I was all oned that one day with you at the tank we talked together and you told me I was okay and would soon be safe away from harm, we walked together side by side separated only by a thick wall of glass but I knew you and you knew me. And you spoke words of love in languages unknown and unspeakable you whispered them through the glass and you tickled my ears and you spoke no words from your mouth but I heard them loud and clear you gurgled and called though and it was all the same. Your psychologist acts were deflected and rejected and you've been topped by an orka whale how do you fucking feel about that you lying manipulating woman? You and my mother may have concocted a batch of stinging lies hoping I would never know. And I'll speak to you truthfully, I don't know if I've ever much cared. There are lies and they feat
I could be a cockatoo if I wanted to

Ew you penguins may look cute but I am not convinced
only ten!

You look at us very intently you see that we are here do you tink we are impressed Mr. Oxen? Are you that conceited? Or is that a 'fuck off' kinda look? Because if it were that damn cold I'd always be pissed too you're just out of place there is no grass there, take it from me because I've tried I really did but oh so sorry no. I think you would die if if if in you know ----'s right I really can see your brain, it's showing, you should cover that up you vulgar cow