How can I possibly begin to describe it all? It was the most amazing experience. My only gripe would be that everything was so amazing that I could hardly concentrate on just one thing. It felt as if my every second was an orgasm, and therefore could not properly orgasm. I was afraid that if I did properly orgasm, it would be a too humanly possible good. It felt as if I could feel him, his essence, his very core, and our cores were mixing. I closed my eyes and everything became a kaleidoscope. We became a kaleidoscope. I felt we were mixing as four. I don't know why, but four. I felt us swirling together. I remember telling him I felt as if we were a wave.

I just felt the rawness and essence of everything. I felt what it was to experience happiness as simple as it could be. I felt what it was to experience despair as simple as it could be. I knew that I loved him more than I knew anything else. Without him I would not be me.

Such a delicate thing it was, teetering and tottering on an edge. Maybe no more? Maybe stability now? I have a hunch.

It's not that I didn't love him as fully before. I loved him. But now I feel I love him even more, genuinely, deeply. I do feel like his pup. I do feel like a puppy in general. But I see him as my puppy, too. To imagine him hurt is to hurt myself. Never again can I be so heartlessly and thoughtlessly cruel to him as I once often was throughout our many bouts.

I feel his absence as he goes to work. It's all right, though. I feel stronger now -- I feel we're stronger now. I feel I've been given the ability to be secure. I'm in love.