I'm becoming more and more hardened everyday. I'm realizing that you can't rely on people. No one. At all. You can't expect anything from anyone or just life in general. Don't rely. Don't trust. Don't expect. Man, don't even hope. It's just not worth it. It's just not worth the let-downs and the heartaches. No one will ever live up to your expectations, and it's because they're too busy trying to live up to their own. In the end, it really IS all about "me, myself, and I". It's really quite sad that this world is so cutthroat and dog-eat-dog, but it'd be even more sad if I remained naive and idealistic about it all. This world is not idealistic, and though it's nice to dream and wonder, it's always necessary to bring it all back down again.

This is why I like to spend most of my time alone. I think I was meant to be mostly alone, and it's because I see through people's facades. I'm not the type that can just go along with it, all the lies and deception and exaggeration. I harbor so much hate and bitterness inside of me because I was one day naive, and absent-mindedly continue to be so sometimes.

It's just a bitch when you realize you've been duped. It's every man or woman for themselves in this world. I was thinking as I was walking along the sidewalk... If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. If you can't join 'em, beat 'em. If you can't do either, fuck them and fuck you too. You should have never tried to do either. It's all useless.

I'm starting to realize I have power issues. I hate to feel helpless or manipulated even in the smallest of ways. I need to have control over my every waking minute or I'm completely hazed. This is why I have those issues in my head. It's not because I'm compleeeeetely fucked up in the head.

I've also noticed that a lot of people seem to feel a strange connection to me. Maybe it's because they see that I'm real. That I'm not putting up some kind of wall of lies to surround myself. The thing is that what they see is me. But no one will ever see all of me. I feel like some sort of odd community puzzle. I hand out myself in pieces, but no one will ever see the entire picture. I'm not even fully sure if I will.

In the end, the moral of the story is: Fuck people. Rely on yourself -- love yourself.

Nothing else in life is a guarantee.