It seems I can't stop letting people down lately. Just one after another. This is why I just want to be alone now. I don't want to have any sort of power to hurt anyone. I need to move out. I'm scared.
I've always thought "just 2 more years, just 1 more year"- countdown til highschool graduation and, supposedly, freedom. Graduation yes, freedom no. Now it's "just 2 more years, just 2 more years" in my head until college graduation and I can, I assume, get out on my own. But this time I don't know how I'm going to stand 2 more years. Maybe I should just do something about it now.
Life just isn't living if all you think about is the future and not the present. I guess this is what I figured out with Nick. Now, I see this once again.
I thought this was all about finding myself? I think I've lost myself in the process. I keep pondering whether this is a good thing or a bad thing, though. To others, I'm sure this is bad. But, while I'm being a selfish bitch, I might as well delve into this, right?
What I can't understand, though, is how I'm doing so well in work and school and ice skating while all of this is going on. My relationships are tearing at me from the inside out; yet I can still function, and well? I don't see how this is, but I think these things are my only motivations.
Life is scary right now.
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1 comment:
ok, i won't lean on you right now
but you can lean on me
and sorry, i'll always believe in you - nothing you can do about that.
so there.
i'm here if/when you ever need me.
to be continued...
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